When it comes to figuring out what you are looking for in a relationship, it can be hard to pinpoint exactly what you want, especially as your feelings towards things can change and you grow through ideals that you thought you initially wanted.

A lot of the time when people ask us a question like this, they are not just asking about the physical attraction you feel towards somebody, but things such as mutual respect, emotional maturity, and having the same values in a romantic partner.

With this article, we will go into how you can answer somebody who asks you that (a potential partner), as well as what you should be looking for in a partner so you can make that clear and are not spending time with the wrong person who is not going to make you feel like you have a solid foundation.

Answering “What Are You Looking For in a Relationship?”

Let’s jump right into it, how are you going to answer that question so you give them an answer that not only informs them of your intentions but lets them know that no matter what you are going to be sticking to your principles for a successful relationship?

Think About What The Most Important Thing is to You in a Relationship

What do you consider to be your top qualities for a life partner?

Do you think loyalty is important? Mutual respect? Physical affection? Honesty? (Hopefully you do)

All of those are essential as there needs to be a connection that is not just surface based, but you also need to look deeper into yourself.

Dive into How You Feel About Relationships

Do you want someone who shares the exact same political values as you? Someone who is able to own up to their own emotions and is not afraid of showing it? Or, are you looking for a partner who is like a best friend?

“What are you looking for in a relationship?” can be such a harmless question, but it really gets you thinking about previous romantic relationships and how you were in them, and what you felt was lacking which made you break things off and start looking for potential partners again.

Give an Honest Answer and Don’t Be Too Vague

Not saying exactly what you want can open up a lot to interpretation and it can make people feel confused as you carry on in the relationship.

Telling them what you are looking for will help you both decide on what you want best.

Some people can find it harder as they get older to date around and find a serious relationship that they want to build on and nourish, because it almost seems like so many people want to just have a fling, or they aren’t interested in the same things but still want to ‘give it a go’.

If you really want a long-term relationship and you need a partner who will have a strong emotional connection with you, then you have to put that on the table.

Word Your Answer With Your Intention

Saying something like “I’m looking for someone to do similar things with and share hobbies”, shows them that you are looking for a connection, you don’t want to just be like “I’m looking for fun”, so many people want fun, and if you don’t want just fun, and you want something that has weight to it, then you need to let them know, as you will waste more time skirting around what you want.

Build Into a Relationship

Being straightforward right away may not be a good thing.

You may find someone who likes that way of talking and, like you, wants to cut right to the point so they can move on with someone who wants to be with them.

If you are initially starting a relationship through messaging, it is good to start off with fun and jokey things to talk about, showing them that you have humor and you want to progress the conversation further.

Give Things Time

They may not ask the question “What are you looking for in a relationship?” as soon as you start speaking, that could be a few dates in giving you time to lay the groundwork to show them your hopes and ambitions in a subtle way.

If they are still meeting up with you and they know that you are a serious person and you are looking for mutual support and a supportive partner that you can build a life with, then they should know what the answer will be, however, some people are really not aware right away, so you may need to ease them into what you are feeling so you don’t lay it on them all at once.

Things That You Should Look For in a Relationship

A real-life relationship can be exciting as well as scary, there is a lot that can happen in relationships, some move at the speed of light whilst others take their time getting places.

If you know that you want a long-term relationship and you are willing to put it all out there so this next one doesn’t go the same way as your past relationships then here are some things that you should be looking for.

Emotional Maturity

When it comes to building a life with someone, you need to know that they can hack it and they are aware that their emotions and the way they react will have an effect on others,

If they hide how they feel, or they do not openly communicate their feelings to you when they are upset or angry, how are you supposed to know what they want or how they want you to be?

This can make things volatile and worrying.

Dealing With Problems

Their maturity needs to match yours so when an issue comes up it is you and them vs the issue, not you vs them vs the issue.

Problems will come up in every relationship, you can’t ignore them or try and dodge them, so if you think that something has to be brought up, you need to feel secure enough in your relationship that you know they will approach it with you with maturity and understanding.

They Can Manage Their Own Life

A maturity in their emotional reactions can show you that when it comes to dealing with daily life issues, they are not phased by it and can carry on as they need to.

This can make you feel a lot more relaxed as you are not the one who has to sort things out all the time or calm situations down, you have someone else in your corner who is able to do it as well.

Independence

Being with someone is great, and especially at the start of the relationship when you are not with them, you can feel upset and lonely and wish they were with you.

Even though this is sweet and it shows that you want to be around them, it is vital that they and you have your own independence and can branch out on your own with different hobbies and meeting friends.

Being Joined at The Hip Isn’t Healthy

If you feel like you can’t do anything without them or they want to keep tagging along with you for everything, that is not going to be a strong relationship as they are not finding things outside the relationship that can help them grow and have fun with others.

It Can Help The Relationship

Growing together is always important, but you also need to grow individually, as your partner can’t be your identity and you can’t be theirs.

Develop apart as you develop together, because if it is just you two then you are shunning friendships and care for other people.

You don’t need to be with them, you want to be with them.

You have choices in your relationship, and it is not wrong to sometimes spend time apart and then come back together at the end of a long day doing your own thing with your friends or family.

Look For Someone Who Can Communicate

Communication is a key part of a relationship, you need to know that when you are telling them something, whether it is important or it is just a little piece of news that you think would be good to tell them, they can listen and respond properly.

You should be able to be open and honest with each other about how you both feel about things and communicate your feelings as well as a solution to any issues that may arise.

At the same time, it’s also important to acknowledge when something isn’t working in the relationship, and be open-minded to different types of solutions. For instance, in case of a communication gap or misunderstanding, it can be very beneficial for you to involve a neutral third party professional, like a Life Coach (Primary Self) who can help you navigate these obstacles in an intentional, healthy manner. Being ready to do what it takes to overcome hurdles is a vital part of a healthy relationship.

Hiding Away Won’t Help

If you have noticed a problem in your relationship and they are not talking it out with you when you try and speak to them, how are they going to cope later on in life when even bigger news happens, or you need them to understand what is going on?

Avoiding subjects whether happy or painful shows that they are not developed enough to handle adult issues.

Communication is always important, and you need that in a partner.

Trust in Each Other

Can you trust them?

Do you feel like they are a person that you can leave for a weekend away or an entire day without them doing something that will break that trust?

You need to be with someone who won’t see your trust as a weakness and play against that when it suits them.

If they talk about you behind your back or do something that you asked them not to do, can you truly trust them with big relationship issues?

You need to be able to confide in each other and talk about what you are worried about as well as what you think could be different in your relationship without them going off and telling their friends and family about what you said.

Conclusion

Being in a relationship is a lot of fun, but if you are at a stage in your life where you feel like you need something a bit more solid, then you need to know that what you are looking for in a relationship is going to be there for you.

Sometimes it is better to be alone than with the wrong person as that can make things a whole lot worse, so always be aware of your core values and what you expect, don’t give that up for anyone as those values will guide you in the right direction.